Choose a Grounding Technique
Grounding techniques are quick ways to bring you back into the present moment.
Hold hands
Take 5 deep breaths
Place your hand over your abdomen and breathe in for the count of 3 and release slowly
Place your hand on the part of you that needs compassion and breath.
Stand up and move your hips side to side
Tense all your muscles and then release (try it standing)
Choose a Grounding Exercise
A grounding exercise is a longer pause and helps reset your body in the moment.
Pause and focus your attention on your current context. Pay attention to your experience as you engage each of your senses, and say each of these out loud to your partner:
5 things that you can see.
4 things that you can feel.
3 things that you can hear.
2 things you can smell.
1 thing you can taste.
Offer a Repair Statement to Your Partner
Repair statements are ways to move toward your partner in the moment and increase connection when things feel hard.
“I’m having a big response right now.”
“I’m sorry for what I just did or said.”
“Can we start over?”
“Let’s agree to disagree.”
“I’m feeling blamed. Can you rephrase that?”
“Your viewpoint is valid here.”
“Hang in there. Please don’t withdraw.”
“I’m on your side.”
“How can I make this better?”
“What I hear you saying…”
Take a Break from the Conversation
If you and your partner are having trouble getting back on track, the best thing to do is take a break.
Taking a break protects your relationship and gives your body time to calm down.
Ask for a break, “I’m feeling overwhelmed and need a break before we continue this conversation.”
Agree on a time to come back to the conversation. Must be at least 20 minutes for your body to physiologically calm down.
Spend your break time focusing on helping yourself emotionally regulate. Choose a relaxation exercise or a self-soothing activity.
Once you are feeling calm, connect with how you are feeling and prepare to re-enter the conversation using the communication equation.
I feel X, when I hear or see Y. I need Z.
Any questions? Just email retreats@getlasting.com.